Dear Dan, Forgive me for my ignorance in previous responses, but this is the first time that I (hopefully) understand your true situation. You have, in the past, been performing Christianity by rote. You have admitted your error. That is a very brave thing for a man to do, since it is assumed we know what we profess. Our egos tell us so. But not so much, right? This is where we need to meet Jesus! come into my life Lord Jesus! Not to conform. Not to justify myself. Only Lord, let me know you, your forgiveness, your unmerited favor, how you see things. Forgive my sins and come into my life. I really want to know what is true, what is You. No more fable. I only want truth. If you are truly God, I want to know you and your ways. Bring life into my darkness. Relieve my pain! I've been so disappointed but I am trying! Dan, sir, I know you are smarter than me, and I trust your honesty. Forget the bologna! Push on through! Dan, I know you are sincere. Jesus only! Pierce the darkness!