Deep Dark Depression

D L Henderson
5 min readMay 17, 2024

May 15, 2024

The other day, I was overcome by a depth of depression I had not felt since my suicidal days over 50 years ago…

This year’s gardening was a total disaster. I couldn’t climb a ladder to prune our apple trees. I no longer can do the upkeep on our house, nor finish the remodeling projects I had left almost done. Vocationally, I felt I had failed. My mind was persistently troubled by bad memories which just kept popping up sporadically and without my volition, showing that I was a failure in every aspect of my life. Also, because of my deteriorating health situation, even mowing the grass or tilling the soil has become a perilous adventure rather than what I had considered a comedic routine… The other day, I just wanted to go back to bed, pull the covers over my head, and sleep away the rest of the day — if not the rest of my life…

I was really depressed and, as I said, a condition that I hadn’t seen for a long, long time.

Patty picked up on my pathetic situation, and she asked about what I was thinking, but of course, I didn’t want to talk about it.

She realized that I was in trouble. She went to her study, and she began to pray for me.

Today, I am completely out of the overwhelming darkness that had sunk its teeth into me.

Therefore, from my experience in this, try to see that there truly is a living God, and that “Jesus saves” is not just a fabricated slogan invented to pacify the weak or, at best, a distraction, or a scheme to boost Jesus’ popularity by ignoring the difficult events in living. The Holy Spirit still is interceding on individuals’ behalf.

He is not a fairy tale, or, as some people have rendered Him, an advertising gimmick of the past, a special launch of the Gospel using Madison Ave flair. No. No way. Not at all true.

When we have not experienced that God is still at work today, our human nature tries to make things up to satisfy our lack of any intellectual resolutions and our failure to look ourselves in the face — in the face of our lack of righteousness and surplus of misdeeds. (The “I’m okay/you’re okay nonsense,” for example.)

Yet, you know what thought just popped into my head? We choose not to look in the mirror, because we are afraid of what we’ll see. Not to worry. God sees us just as we are anyway, and like good parents do, He loves us, wants the best for us, and will help us get better. The only dynamic that gets in the way is a childish attitude of willful disobedience…

Jesus still rescues those who choose to turn to Him.

The Holy Spirit still hovers over all Creation, just as He was shown in the Genesis Creation story (not a fairy tale either), and He is ready to come alongside to advocate on our behalf.

Oh yes, life is full of troubles. All the same, take encouragement from this Bible verse from Psalm 34, written by a king who had many, many troubles: “The LORD hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles. The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.” — verses 17–18, NLT. It is God’s intention that everyone gets rescued from their calamitous consequences. “…He does not want anyone to be destroyed…” — excerpt from 2 Peter 3:9, ibid. Yes, He came so that “we might have life and have it abundantly.” — excerpt from John 10:10, ibid. Still, each of us has to decide to turn to Him, committing to the reality of His character.

Just the same, we struggle to overcome obstacles to our own happiness — sometimes with some success. other times, not so much.

We cannot seem to connect the fact in our minds that our choices — whether as individuals or as societies — all choices have consequences and that, all across the chart of a graduated scale of severity. Choices have consequences. Consequences we cannot overcome within our own power — no matter what we believe, or how strong we believe it, or how much we believe in our own intestinal fortitude.

God exists, and Jesus does save, and as for the Holy Spirit, Jesus, leading up to His Crucifixion said:

“…in fact, it is best for you that I go away, because if I don’t, the Advocate won’t come. If I do go away, then I will send him to you. And when he comes, he will convict the world of its sin, and of God’s righteousness, and of the coming judgment. The world’s sin is that it refuses to believe in me. Righteousness is available because I go to the Father, and you will see me no more. Judgment will come because the ruler of this world has already been judged. — John 16:7–11, NLT.

Finally, you should really try turning to God, calling on Jesus, and start to read the Bible, all over again, or for the very first time, but in a new light. God does want the best for us just like good parents do, even when we rebel, and His plan is much much better than anything we could hope to design for ourselves.

If a person is worried about God’s judgment — with or without due cause — remember, good parents discipline their children — not because they are mean, but because they want us to have good results in our lives, and eventually we begin to see how smart and loving they have been.

As God is continuing to deliver me from my troubles, I pray that you would believe me when I say Jesus will also deliver for you.

You will have an opportunity to enter reality, that is to say, an existence you otherwise find impossible to see, to comprehend, or believe.

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D L Henderson

Born 1950; HS 1968; Born again 1972; Cornell ILR; Steward, Local President/Business Agent; Husband, father, grandfather; winner/loser/everything in between