Friends

Friends

August 16, 2024

Whoever my coworkers have been throughout my work life, I have considered them to be my friends. Did they consider me to be their friend, too? I have no idea. I hope so.

Whoever that I attended with in school, or college, or Labor Studies, I also have considered them to be my friends. Yet, alas, aleck, and harumph, did they consider me to be their friend, too? Never asked. So, I don’t really know… I just assumed.

Perhaps I have been too assuming to the point of becoming presumptuous. I hope I have not come across as pompous, smug, or haughty.

When I have come to think about it, I have realized that I am not all that personable. In fact, it seems that I have been kind of living in my own enclosed world since childhood. For example, I often found myself alone and apart from other kids at family gatherings.

Relationships can also be really kind of funny in a way. I didn’t begin to realize this until a betrayal by a person whom I had esteemed as a friend, a trusted mentor, and a Union brother.

His betrayal hit me so deeply, it was a real gut punch, giving way to some sort of mental breakdown where I became very much a recluse, living in a withdrawn, distant, and introverted existence.

Still, at my last place of employment there was no problem working with others and considering them friends. However, in a social setting with the very same people, I would get so hyper that I would have to leave.

In marriage and family and even with old High School friends, it wasn’t the same — I was just “the same old Dave.” Yet, my garden and my backyard were pretty much my entire world.

In my marriage, after forty some years, I have begun to remember what real friendship is — mostly because of the patient love from my wife. Beyond that, with knowing Jesus in a dynamic and personal way, there has been both mental healing, and I have thankfully found that He is a much better mentor, brother, and friend than I ever have had before.

Recently, I have come to realize that I would be a very depressed and angry person, if it wasn’t for the fact that Jesus is a really, really good friend.

There is a Bible verse that kind of mirrors my experience: “One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” — Proverbs 18:24, New International Version.

Alan Jackson — What A Friend We Have In Jesus (Live)

Hindsight is always 20/20, isn’t it?

Now, if you will come with me to explore what the definition of “friend” actually is, here is my expansive opinion…

A friend listens. Whether they think you are wrong or not, they listen.

If they think you are seriously wrong, they will tell you so.

If they hear something offensive — especially personally offensive — they will tell you that, too, in no uncertain terms. However, they won’t just walk away. They will never end the friendship. They will try to persuade you to see their point of view, to correct you from doing hurt or harm, and to make you a better person. In other words, no matter how pissed off you have made them, their reaction, at least eventually, will be constructive.

A friend is patient and kind.

So, a friend listens and tries to understand and tries to respond in love and respect, valuing the friendship above all else.

Friendship shouldn’t be easily discarded.

Besides Jesus, two of my friends from High School come to mind. Both women, and this makes me wonder if women are deeper thinkers than men…

Nevertheless, one took the time to correct my usage of the concepts of “introvert” and “extrovert.” So, one, she took the time to read something I wrote, and two, she provided me with a doctorate level examination of the subject, and three, she respected my intelligence enough to believe I would understand her dissertation and I would correct my thinking.

In the same way, my other friend had a serious contention with what I wrote in the socio-political realm… and she said so… and in no uncertain terms… We talked about it some more on Facebook, or I should say, we discussed it some more — like having a conversation. We cleared up any misunderstandings of things that were said. Then, believe it or not, she is still my friend.

That’s what “true blue” means.

I have been very fortunate that way.

A friend never walks away.

A friend is always there to help.

A friend is always there for you.

One more thing related to friendship is the problem of distance.

Online friendships are tentative at best. A phone conversation has much more to offer as in an actual real live voice (and I am referring to the old fashioned landline phones).

Voice inflections help.

A face to face conversation is even better. Not only can you hear the voice inflections but have the sense of another person’s indelible presence and see their expressions. That puts the conversation in the context of the all important unforgettable memories and the personhood of both friends.

Definitions of words and opposing mindsets can be very different and hampering, if not defeating, communications — even among the best of friends. This can have tragic results in online attempts at conversation. For example, some of my Facebook friends have vamoosed — whether or not they have been my acquaintances in the past — over one word or one subject! I really have no idea why, because they never took the time to discuss or even to explain what must have greatly offended them, leaving me to wander about in the dark, having to guess why with only vague guesses and the standard assumptions

Friends don’t just cut you off for one mistake, one word, or one difference of opinion… No, actually, true friends never just cut you off.

I am thinking now about how my Great Grandfather disowned my Grandfather and in so doing, he also cut off my Dad, my Aunt, and all of his progeny, his Great Grandchildren, and, come to think of it, we are all cut off from the Henderson Clan in its entirety, and in all its background and benefits of knowing one another, and from all our family’s relatives… just because of one offense — no matter that it was a big one — a father’s great disappointment.

Thank God the MacDonald Clan adopted us.

Just the same, friends can be closer than family, and the loss of one can do much harm.

“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” — Proverbs 18:24, ibid.

Jesus promised, “All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away.” — John 6:37, ibid.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified… …for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” — Deuteronomy 31:6, ibid.

If you start to call on God, God the Father will lead you to Jesus the Savior. You will discover that Jesus is that consummate Friend who sticks closer than a brother.