I know that you did not mention the Ouija thing, but I used it as an innocuous illustration so as not to offend your persona choices but to highlight an improper end to various inquisitive searchings. Like you, I spent time searching. My Dad had a shelf full of books and one set was the Oxford wet of philosophies. So, at an early age I became very interested. I was drawn to the Existentialists, especially Aldous Huxley (Brave New World) and similar. Recently I ran into some controversy among the existentialists (not unlike the phenomenon of Christian denominations) in which disparate divisions began to evolve. So I searched Britannica's extensive articles and found the two basic schools of theistic and atheistic existentialism. Most recently, we have been enjoying videos with Dr. John Lennox, Professor of Mathematics, Emeritus, of Oxford University... Anyways let me reemphasize what I have learned the hard way that "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." - Proverbs 14:12, Berean Standard Bible. Many a road I have traveled and eaten nothing but dust.