Your education failed to pull you into a relationship with God. Intellectual assent will always fail. "For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know Him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe." 1 Corinthians 1:21, BSB.
Your brief Ministerial experience was empty, because you were leaning on a broken cane. "...you, then, who teach others, do you not teach yourself?" Romans 2:21, ibid. Isn't that like the blind leading the blind and falling into the ditch?
Blind faith and empty hope is no foundation for Biblical faith.
Jesus replied, “Truly, truly, I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.a”
“How can a man be born when he is old?” Nicodemus asked. “Can he enter his mother’s womb a second time to be born?”
Jesus answered, “Truly, truly, I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless he is born of water and the Spirit. Flesh is born of flesh, but spirit is born of the Spirit. Do not be amazed that I said, ‘You must be born again.’ - John 3:3-7, ibid.
You cannot possibly begin to see without this experience. Noone can! You cannot begin to believe or have anything close to a pragmatic hope without both births. Noone can stand on air, let alone hot air.
I recommend a revisit, reassessment, and reconnoitering with Jesus, God, and the Bible.